I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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