hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
