the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
