remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
