some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
