Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
