i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
