I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
