is your mom at the bar?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...