Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though