It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled