My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years