Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it