Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.