this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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