you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
