Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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