The maid of honor just puked.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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