It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
