I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You took a bar mat shot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
