I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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