Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
