I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
