hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
