too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
