My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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