Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
