So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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