I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
