how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?