Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Boobs speak an international language.
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad