He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.