You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs