you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
