I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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