so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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