there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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