My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize