having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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