I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
