your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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