Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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