for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
