I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i've created a new STD.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
