HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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