I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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