bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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