Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
