Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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