1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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