If i come over, it means nothing
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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