would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
