Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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