So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
