We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
