smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
