Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
