so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
