I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
