Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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