how can u be prego again
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
