yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
