I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
