Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
