There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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