Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
