Your dad touched me again.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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