On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
