Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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