how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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