Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
