I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
