You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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