OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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